Poor McGee!
by Bob Rhynoplasty
Summary: Abby, Ziva, McGee, and Director Shepard hear something about our favorite boys and they weren't supposed to hear. Trouble ensues and poor McGee is caught in the cross fire. SLASH!


**Poor McGee**

**Summary: **Ziva, Abby, McGee and Director Shepard hear something about our favorite guys that they weren't supposed to hear. Trouble ensues and poor McGee gets stuck in the crossfire

**Rating:** K+, nothing really bad happens, and no swearing, so it doesn't need a higher rating.

**Pairing:** Of course, it's Gibbs/DiNozzo, also some one-sided Gibbs/Ducky, Abby/McGee, Abby/DiNozzo, Ziva/DiNozzo, Jenny/DiNozzo

**Disclaimer:**If I owned this show, I would have gotten it cancelled after having Gibbs and Tony share a heated drunken one night stand together, so I suppose it's a good thing I own nothing!

**Warning:** This story is a slash story, even though nothing really bad happens (one tiny little kiss) if you don't like slash pairings then you probably shouldn't be reading this story.

**Author's Nore:** This story takes place any time between seasons 3 and 5, I don't care where you decide to place it, but Jenny is still director of NCIS. It's not that I have anything against Vance, personally, Jenny just fit with the story better. And now, I hope you enjoy!

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Music blared through the entire lab. No other sound was made except for the incessant tapping of keys. Abby and McGee were completely focused on their task at hand. Their eyes were glued to their adjacent computer screens while their fingers moved speedily over their keyboards. This was a matter of great importance.

"Die, die, die!" Abby yelled as she blew up McGee's elf lord on the computer game. This marked the fourth time Abby killed him.

"Damn it!" He slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms like a child having a temper tantrum; he even stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. Abby crossed her hands behind her head with a smug smile on her face.

"It's ok McGee, you knew it was bound to happen." He glared. He hated being beaten. He especially hated being beaten by Abby. He would never admit it out loud, but he was always trying to impress her. His feelings for her were still pretty strong.

"You cheated." Although, he figured acting like a little kid wasn't going to have the desired effect on the brilliant Goth scientist.

"I did nothing of the sort!" She replied appalled. "I'm just better at these kinds of games."

"Yeah, uh huh, sure." McGee went back to pouting. Abby rolled her eyes.

"Abby!" McGee immediately sat straighter at the sound of Director Shepard's voice. Abby jumped out of her seat and whirled around. The last thing either of them needed was to have the director of NCIS herself to see them goofing around playing an online role playing game on the clock.

Director Shepard stopped when she spotted McGee. She looked between the two of them for a bit. Ziva stepped through the doorway behind her. She didn't look nearly as confused, but no doubt she was used to their antics. "I wanted to ask you something." Director Shepard continued, a little hesitant. She stepped closer into the room.

"Anything you want, I mean, whatever I can do for you Madame Director. No, not Madame Director, Ma'am, no, director. Just director." Abby took a deep breath. Her already wide green eyes going even wider. "What can I do for you?"

The director smiled. "I was recently given a free weekend trip to the spa, and Ziva and I were wondering if you would like to join us." Before she could even finish her sentence Abby was gasping very loud and animatedly.

"Oh my gosh! I would absolutely love to! I love the spa. Spas are fun, and great and so relaxing. And I could really use the time. Oh my gosh, I can't believe you would ask me to join you! That's fantastic! And so sweet of you!"

"Abby!"

"Yes ma'am."

"Is that a yes."

"That is a definite!" She started bouncing up and down on her toes. McGee leaned back in his chair again and just watched her. She looked so happy about this. It warmed him inside.

"Fantastic. Now, we just have to inform Special Agent Gibbs." That stopped Abby. If McGee had to guess, the look on her face went from ecstatic to panicked.

"Gibbs. Why?" Director Shepard just smiled.

"Because you and I are going to be gone all weekend," Ziva answered. "The director thinks that Gibbs deserves to know something like that." She was smiling too. That confused the heck out of the only man in the room. He never would have pictured Ziva as the spa type. But, he supposed every woman needs to wind down every once in a while. Ziva in particular.

"Ok, well, then, let's go talk to him." Abby was about to run out of the lab to talk to Gibbs when McGee finally spoke up.

"He's not in the squad room, Abby." That stopped her. The three women stared at him as if they just realized he was there. They probably did. McGee started to get nervous. "He, uh, said something about, uh, going to see… Ducky." He visibly shrank under their scrutiny.

The room was silent for a moment as they contemplated when McGee just told them. Finally it was Abby who broke the quiet. "That works! I can patch us into Autopsy and ask him from here!" She nearly leapt onto her computer to connect the feed.

It took less than a minute to pick up the camera from Autopsy. Abby's smile widened even further as she saw Gibbs and Tony standing near one of the autopsy tables. She was just about to say something when Tony yelled very angrily.

"Didn't you think that maybe I deserved to know something that concerns me?!" He shouted. Gibbs just stood completely stoic.

"What's going on?" McGee asked quietly. Abby shushed him before turning the microphone off. The lab occupants gathered around to hear the argument. McGee silently wished he had popcorn.

"It was my decision to tell Ducky, it didn't concern you."

"It was about me!" Tony chuckled bitterly. "Oh, you're a pain in my ass." McGee's eyes widened. Was Tony really talking to Gibbs like that? And he was still standing.

"I didn't mention you at all. All I did was tell Ducky that I'm gay."

"What?" Ziva, Abby, McGee and Director Shepard all screamed out. McGee spared a glance at his boss. She had history with Gibbs, this was no doubt freaking her out more than anyone.

"You weren't mentioned." He looked back at the screen as Gibbs spoke again. He sounded so calm and reasonable. That was something he never expected to hear with Gibbs. Usually, he was the angry shouting one, while Tony tried to stay calm.

The two men were silent for a second. Finally Tony spoke. "So what did he say?" He put his hands in his pockets. McGee couldn't be sure, but, it looked like Gibbs followed the movement. Was he _leering_? "Eyes up here, Gibbs." Tony pointed to his face. McGee's jaw dropped.

From the angle of the camera, they really didn't have a good view of either man, but it was good enough to see Gibbs rub a hand down the side of his face. "He said that he was in love with me." That earned another collective yelp from the group in Abby's lab.

"He what?" Tony nearly fell over as he tried leaning against the table behind him. Apparently it was farther than he had anticipated. "Are you serious?"

"No, Tony, I'm lying to you!" Gibbs shouted sarcastically. Tony stared back at him completely shocked. "Of course I'm serious! He even kissed me." Everyone was quiet again.

"Ducky's gay?" Abby finally asked.

Ziva shrugged. "Would explain why he's never been married."

"What's Gibbs' excuse?" Abby turned to look at the others. Nobody had an answer to that one.

"He kissed you?" They were broken from their thoughts at the sound of Tony's voice again. "Like, an actual kiss… on the mouth?" Gibbs nodded. Tony looked angry. "And what did you do?"

Gibbs didn't answer right away. "I pushed him away and told him that I didn't love him back. That I was seeing someone. I left out a name." Tony crossed his arms.

"Is that it?" Gibbs stepped closer.

"No, DiNozzo, that's not it." He moved completely into Tony's personal space. The younger man didn't back down. If anything, he looked cocky. "We argued, he tried to convince me that he and I were made for each other. I told him the truth."

Tony smiled. "And what would that be?" He tilted his head to the side.

"That I love you." The room gasped. McGee almost toppled out of his chair.

"I thought you didn't use my name old man." Another gasp.

"Did Tony just call Gibbs _old man_?" McGee asked in complete shock.

"Did Gibbs just say that he _loves_ Tony?" Ziva asked in return.

"Everybody quiet!" Director Shepard yelled. It was probably the first time she spoke since they turned the monitor on.

Gibbs shook his head. "I didn't. I said that I was in love with the man that I was seeing. And he loved me back. Ducky was a little upset, but I think he'll be ok with it eventually."

"And of course, by then you'll drop the second bomb and tell him that you were talking about me." They were silent again. McGee and the girls subconsciously leaned in closer to the monitor.

"Do you want me to?" There was a smile in Gibbs' voice.

"Guess." Tony grabbed Gibbs' jacket and pulled him closer till their lips smashed together. Abby yelped in surprise before turning the monitor off. She wheeled around and looked at everyone else. They were all just as shocked as her.

Minutes flew by before any of them actually spoke. It was Ziva who broke the silence. "Gibbs… and Tony." McGee didn't know what to say to that.

"Now I'm depressed." Abby blurted out. Everyone turned to look at her quizzically. McGee figured it out first.

"You like Gibbs?" He would never admit it, but his heart broke a little.

Abby looked at him like he was crazy. "Don't be silly McGee, Gibbs is like a father to me!" She got a faraway look in her eyes.

"You're in love with Tony." Ziva said. It wasn't a question, at least it didn't sound like one. But it did sound bitter.

Abby shrugged. "It doesn't matter now, does it? Gibbs already lay a claim to him." Now she sounded like a child having a temper tantrum.

Ziva shrugged. "Well, even if he didn't, you would have no chance with Tony."

"Excuse me?" McGee slowly backed up. He didn't like where this was going.

Ziva continued, seemingly oblivious to Abby's anger or McGee's fleeing. "Tony sees you as more of a sister, he could never love you in a sexual way."

"I will have you know that Tony and I have slept together before!" McGee whirled around, his jaw dropped.

Ziva was just as stunned. "No you didn't," she said when she got her voice back. "Tony would have said something if that happened! He's never quiet about his conquests."

"It was long before you ever graced NCIS with your presence, Ziva. And I'll have you know," Abby stepped into Ziva's personal space. "It was amazing."

Ziva glared. "I can imagine. Tony and I went undercover as a married couple, remember. And Tony liked what he saw."

McGee couldn't take anymore, he had to speak up. "Wait, wait, wait. _You're_ in love with Tony too?"

"Well I can't really blame her," Director Shepard answered. The others just stared at her wide eyed. She smiled warmly. "Tony really is an incredible man."

Ziva and Abby spoke at the same time. "You're in love with Tony!"

"I worked with him undercover personally for almost a year. I got to see the softer side of Tony. I even heard him sing."

"He sings?!" The two girls asked simultaneously again. That started them off again, only this time instead of arguing over who had the best chance with Tony, they went off about how perfect he was.

McGee sat watching the display in front of him. He just couldn't believe it. Three very attractive intelligent women stood before him, gushing over a _guy_. And not just any guy, but _Tony_. Ziva, he could sort of understand, those two had a weird flirting thing going on, but Director Shepard? _Abby_? He never would have thought that they would fall for DiNozzo's charm. It just wasn't fair.

"I'm insanely jealous of Gibbs right now." Abby said, suddenly depressed. Apparently, they ran out of ways that Tony was perfect. Or perhaps the topic was just too depressing considering the circumstances.

"Me too," said Ziva with her chin resting of her palm.

"Me too," Director Shepard finished.

McGee was at a loss for what to do. On the one hand, he hated seeing Abby so upset, even if it was because she was in love with a gay man. It made him want to seriously shoot Tony. On the other hand, he just wanted to desperately get away from these crazy people.

Before he could think of something clever to say, the director shot up, suddenly excited. "What if he's not gay? What if he's just bi?"

That got the other girls excited. "Yes!" Ziva shouted. "He could still be attracted to women!"

"Which means we have a chance!"

"But he's still with Gibbs," McGee decided to interject. The women stared at him, again, as if they just realized he was still there.

After a moment of staring at him like deer caught in the headlights, Abby shouted again. "We could break them up!" That started them up another tirade, only this time, planning ways to destroy Gibbs and Tony's relationship.

McGee decided he had enough. He just couldn't believe the day's turn of events. Learning that your boss and coworker were in a gay relationship was tough enough, but that every women you work with personally loves that coworker just adds a whole new level of weird.

He stepped out of the lab and almost ran into the two men in question. At first glance, they didn't look any different. If McGee hadn't personally seen what went down in Autopsy, he never would have guessed that Gibbs and Tony were doing the horizontal tango.

"Something wrong, Probie?" Anger boiled through McGee's blood. Tony was responsible for his broken heart and massive headache, and he had the nerve to call him names?

Before he could even think about what he was doing, he pulled back and punched Tony in the face. He stumbled back but didn't fall over. If anything, it hurt McGee more than Tony.

"What the hell was that?" Gibbs yelled. McGee whirled on him and literally growled. It caught Gibbs off guard.

He pointed behind him to Abby's lab. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you. At this point, they might be planning your murder." He started walking off towards the elevator when another thought came to him. He whirled around and faced his colleagues again. "Oh, and next time you guys decide to have a heart-to-heart about your relationship, make sure it's in a place without cameras." He turned back around just as he reached the elevators. Although he did get a good look at the stunned faces on both men's faces before he did.

He couldn't help but chuckle as the elevator doors slid open. For the first time ever, he surprised Gibbs.

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**I'll admit, it's probably not one of my better stories, but I was trying to write it out really quickly. I hope you at least enjoyed it a little! And hopefully I will see you all soon! Adios!**

**Bob**


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